djzyonseven
I wanted my first entry for the month of June to be this song for several reasons.
First, June is Pride Month, and George Michael was family. 🌈
Second, this month marks 30 years since I met my husband.
We met in the middle of June 1996, and years later, we got married on June 11, 2011. 💍
And lastly, this song was playing in the car on our first date.
Sometimes a song becomes part of your life before you fully understand why. 🎶
Jesus to a Child was released in January 1996 as the first single from George Michael’s third solo studio album, Older. George wrote and produced the song himself, and it became one of the most personal songs he ever recorded.
The song was written as a tribute to George’s partner, Anselmo Feleppa, who died in 1993 after an AIDS-related illness. At the time the song was released, George had not publicly come out yet, so many listeners did not know the full story behind it.
I was one of those listeners.
I did not learn what the song truly meant to George until years later.
But that is the beautiful thing about music.
A songwriter can create a song from one experience, and somebody listening can hear their own life inside of it.
The meaning may be different, but the emotion still finds you.
For George, Jesus to a Child was about loving someone deeply and grieving the loss of that person.
For me, it was about finally finding someone who felt like a blessing after years of emotional chaos.
From the moment I met my husband, I knew he was the one.
That might sound dramatic.
Maybe even a little arrogant.
But I cannot explain it any better than that.
Before I met him, I had been going through a lot emotionally.
I had not completely let go of PJ.
Even after our relationship ended, there was still this complicated history between us.
Almost a decade of going back and forth, in and out, hoping that maybe one day we would finally figure it out.
Every relationship I tried to have after PJ seemed to fall apart eventually.
Somehow, emotionally, I always ended up back in the same place.
Waiting for him…
Failed relationship after relationship.
So I decided to go solo for a while.
I had made up my mind to move on.
After about six months, I placed a personal ad in the Orlando Sentinel under Men Seeking Men.
For the younger people reading this, let me explain something.
In 1996, we did not have Facebook, Instagram, dating apps, profile pictures, video calls, or any of the other stuff people use today.
There was no swiping left or right.
You wrote a few lines describing yourself and what you were looking for, and you hoped for the best.
That was it.
No pictures.
No filters.
No catfishing prevention department. 😂
We had none of that!
Back to my story.
Honestly, I did not have high expectations.
I just wanted something different for my life.
My bff gurl roommate, VC, and I were doing it almost like a dare.
I do not even remember exactly what I thought I was looking for when I placed that ad.
I’ve never told this to another soul.
I remember what happened when this man drove up to my door in his Audi.
Handsome was an understatement!
In my eyes, he was perfect.
He checked off all my boxes!
There had never been a guy I felt was out of my league, until him.
He had me tongue-tied and doubting myself from the moment he rolled his window down.
I still remember one of the first things I said to him.
“If you want to turn around and leave, you can.”
WTF?!
What was I saying?
It was like, I wasn’t me at all!
I felt floored!
But, he did not leave.
He just smiled at me.
We got into his car, and somewhere along the way, Jesus to a Child came on.
Was he listening to the Older CD?
I like this guy’s taste in music!
I had already been listening to George Michael heavily during that period of my life.
George was one of my favorite singers and songwriters.
His voice had this combination of warmth, emotion, restraint, and soul.
He never had to oversing to make you feel something.
He knew how to let a lyric breathe.
And when I heard the song during that first date, something inside of me connected to it differently.
When those lyrics flowed:
Kindness
In your eyes, I guess
You heard me cry
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
I’m blessed
I know
Heaven sent
And Heaven stole
You smiled at me
Like Jesus to a child
And what have I learned
From all this pain
I thought I’d never feel the same
About anyone
Or anything again
But now I know
When you find your love
When you know that it exists
Then the lover that you miss
Will come to you on those cold, cold nights
It didn’t feel like a moment.
It felt divine.
It felt like I was living a song.
At this moment in my life
It felt like somebody had finally entered my life at the exact moment I needed him.
Not because he came to save me from another person, but because he helped me stop repeating the same emotional patterns that had been keeping me stuck.
My husband did not rescue me from PJ.
He rescued me from myself.
There is a difference.
And the more life I live, the more the song becomes complete.🎼
Life has a way of Lifing…
The video was directed by Howard Greenhalgh.
Like the song, it is quiet, symbolic, and emotionally heavy.
George appears alone in a darkened space while images of dancers, shadows, flames, water, and the passing of time move around him.
It is not flashy.
It does not need to be.
The song carries the weight.
Another detail says a lot about George Michael as a human being.
After his death, it became publicly known that he had quietly donated (millions of pounds) the royalties from Jesus to a Child to Childline, a counseling service for children.
He did not announce it.
He did not use it for publicity.
He just did it.
That was George Michael.
Talented.
Complicated.
Generous.
Human. ❤️
And during Pride Month, I think it is important to remember artists like George Michael in their fullness.
Not just as entertainers, but as people who had to navigate love, loss, identity, fear, privacy, and the pressure of living in a world that was not always kind to people in our community.
For me, Jesus to a Child will always take me back to that first date in June 1996.
That personal ad.
That Audi pulling up to my door.
That nervous first meeting.
That song of destiny playing in that car.
And the beginning of a relationship that changed the direction of my life. ❤️
djz7
PS…
Thirty years later, I am still grateful that he did not turn around and leave.
Because he is truly the Love of my Life.💜
